thats it...if i drink another white chocolate mocha, i'm gonna barf.

i wasn't even thinking of you. i was used to this single-girl thing, you know, like it was my calling...i was good at it. i come and go when i please. i go to work, i come home, i go and have some drinks with joanne and bitch about being single. but it wasn't all bad, you know? sure, i hated it at times...but i was okay. yeah, so i became one of those girls who hated seeing couples while i was out...or had some secret satisfaction with the ones who weren't getting along. like, yeah, this is why i'm single, its by choice (but i was okay- really).

but now, now i have come to the realization that the only reason i was "okay" with my love/hate relationship with my single-girl self was that it had been so long since i had been with anyone i forgot what i was missing.

so why have you come into my life again? why is it i can't get you out of my head? why am i constantly talking about you to jo, anylizing every look, word, exchange beween us? and why did you have to hold me that way or kiss me that way or tell me all the things that you did? why does being with you make me feel so good? and being without you make me feel so bad?

and now you're confused. you've been hurt too. you want to take it slow, you're scared. i understand but i don't. i want to give you space but i'm selfish. i want you here with me. i want to hold you when i sleep. i want to laugh with you and dance like we did that night that we did.

i want to tell you all this and i should have that night you told me how you feel. but i don't trust my own feelings, you see, when regg drove off that day two years ago he took that with him. so it just took me awhile to understand this. but i get it now.

i feel this now and its too late. i've had my taste and i know what i'm missing.

ignorance is bliss.