so what have YOU been up to?

yeah it sucks being home on a friday night. you want to know what sucks more? being single for just about a year, going out every weekend and some weeknights too (woo hoo) with two different guys (one that i met and one from my past), feeling giddy and happy to have SOMEONE of the opposite sex to cuddle with, talk with, dance with, make out at the beach with, and then having it all fly away just as easy as it came, to leave me to my same old hum drum life of work, sleep, and...well, work and sleep.

and thats pretty much why i haven't wrote anything here for so long because my life right now is...well, sad. this is what i do everyday: wake up at 7:30 in the morning, go to work (which consists of sitting in front of my computer for eight hours essentially paying off other people's vacations, typing out confirmation codes, and dealing with my boss who's a rabid bitch), come home, eat, and watch david letterman as i fall asleep. yes, i know there are far more worse things happening to people as i write this but you know what, i don't really care right now because this my goddamn diary and i'll do what i please.

so a couple of weeks ago, this guy that i went out with in high school calls me up. the last time i talked to him was in june and it was the last time because i just got tired of calling him. we went out a couple of times but he was busy with work so we kind of lost touch. so yeah, anyways, he calls me up out of the blue one day and leaves me a message so i called him back. we talked on the phone and on the following weekend i went out with my friends to zanzabar and met this guy i'll call "kalei". very cute guy. tall, hapa hawaiian, surfer...and i have a weakness for surfers (they're just damn sexy). so i give him my number and we make plans to go out the following weekend. meanwhile, a couple of days later, my ex "john" calls me at work telling me about how he's been thinking about me alot lately and how he feels like he's coming "full circle" in his life and kind of hinting that he wouldn't mind getting together again...and i just don't know what to think but that its been so long and i really don't even know him anymore but that i wouldn't mind getting to know him again.

so that night i went out with my friend helene to a bar in kailua and then came home where he came to pick me up. we drove out to makapuu lookout and sat for a long while just catching up and talking about old times. and as we were sitting there looking out into the ocean he said he wanted to tell me something but wasn't sure how to say it. "what is it?" i asked. well, he didnt want to "tell" me something, he wanted to "do" something. because just at that moment he turned his head and kissed me. and i kissed him back. and it was so nice to be there under the stars...kissing him.

i talked to him several times that following week and then on the weekend i had my date. with kalei. the date from hell. first off, he picked me up late because he didn't have a his car with him at his brother's house in town. he had to wait for his brother to come home so he could borrow his truck. he works for the film crew that does all the movies that come to the islands so that night we went to the wrap party for the movie helldorado that The Rock is here filming. this should have been a clue, but when he was parking the car at the hotel next to where the party was at, he got himself into a tight squeeze and asked if i could get into the drivers seat and park the car for him. o-kay...maybe he's bad at parking. whatever. look at him smile...look at his ass....what a cutie. so what he can't park.

we went to the party...met a bunch of people i don't really remember. all hollywood people i guess...producer...head film crew guy...the director. met The Rock and "stiffler" from american pie. (thats probably really irritating to him that people like me refer to him as stiffler but sorry i can't think of his name. i know theres a sean in it.) anyhow, we did alot of walking around, alot of drinking because the drinks were free, and alot of meeting people and shaking hands. and after about two hours he suggested we leave and go to the lucky dube concert at aloha tower. now this is where everything goes downhill. and fast. i would say in a matter of thirty seconds.

because thats how long it took for us to cross the street from the hotel to the sidewalk connecting to the parking garage where his brother's truck was.

that is where he: 1. Asked me again how old i was. (26) 2. Told me he was actually 21 not 24 like he said when we met. 3. Asked me if I could drive from there to the concert because, 4. He doesn't have a license because he has 2 DUI's. and 5. He could really go for a fatty (a joint) right now before we go to the concert.

oh-no-he-didn't. oh yeah, he did.

so i went with him to the concert, and yes, i drove. i drank like you wouldn't believe and every time he moved his mouth i would stare at it and talk to myself in my head. i do that sometimes when i feel like i'm just having an out of body experience. you know, what am i doing here? what does it all mean? and when we left, he argued with the filipino parking lot lady over the $16 parking because he forgot to get validation. and when he finally found the cash amid the other tens and twentys crumpled up in his pockets, he came up with the worst insult his brain could muster, "man, your boss is high on glue!"

and after all that. AFTER ALL THAT...he had the nerve to ask me to come home with him. oh yeah, he did.

this is my punishment for thinking i can find someone at zanzabar.

so that leaves me with john. the following monday he came by after work and we stopped at his house where he showered and where his mom and aunt were. "mom, this is (my name here), remember her?" it took awhile but she remembered. then he took me to the place where we first kissed when we were in high school and i don't know if it was by coincidence but he kissed me there again. and a few nights later, (last friday), after he got off from work really late, we went to another place where we talked and held each other and made out again.

and its all good...it feels nice and everything...but, hello? plan on taking me anywhere else besides to the beach or lookout? so we had a talk and i told him that this is really nice and all being here and with him again but that i really want to get to know him better and that i'm not saying i want a relationship from him or anything, but...what are we going to do, come here every night after you're finished from work, talk, and make out? so he says he's really busy and he's trying to work out a schedule and he really likes being with me and yadda yadda yadda, he's tired alot, hopefully he'l be off weekends soon...yadda, yadda, yadda.

so that night when he dropped me off i told him that i will leave it to him to give me a call when he has the time and wants to go out again. and when i said "go out" i meant like, to a place where there are lights and other people.

i haven't heard from him since.

and tonight helene called me and i didnt answer my phone because i know she's going to want to go and have a drink in the same smoke filled karaoke bar that we always go to and if i have to listen to one more singing drunk i'm going to shoot myself.

and right now, i have no more words.