butterflies

i just finished watching this show on pbs, american family. its about a mexican-american family in east l.a.. it's a little corny, but everytime its on i find myself watching it. this one was mostly about love. first loves. as i watched it i found myself missing that. the feeling of being in love. isn't that the best feeling in the world?

i remember when we first started seeing each other (regg and i) i couldn't eat for about two weeks. not like not eat at all but i just had no appetite. one meal in the morning would last me a whole day. and we just couldn't be away from each other. talking on the phone for hours. laughing like i've never laughed before with anyone. sometimes he would drive two in the morning to my house and then we would go to jack in the box and order every finger food on the menu, drive to makapu'u beach and just talk. sometimes we didn't talk. and in the morning he'd pick me up for work and we'd do it all over again. for those first few weeks we came to work looking like hell cause we hadn't slept a wink. of course its always like this in the beginning. too bad it doesn't last forever.

even while it was happening i relished every moment knowing that it wouldn't last. i had only been in love once before, but i knew that these butterfly feelings were just magic. soon things would be real. he wouldn't be perfect. i wouldn't be perfect. the roses tinted glasses would soon turn muddy with issues. real life issues that were too much to bear. enjoy this while you can.

i don't know. part of me thinks i like it this way. to remember it this way. the two in the morning talks and the laughter. not the real issues that followed.

i know that one day i'll find someone who will sweep me off my feet. someone who i'll have long talks till the early morning with. someone i can't imagine being without. i know this. but how do you make that last? maybe not as intense, but still?

don't you wish you could bottle it up, those butterflies?