current ramblings of a single girl

Okay, i'm back and my computer screen looks like its holding up. There's these thick purple lines going up and down but I can see through them.

Well its Friday night and i'm home and it sucks. Shannon's with Kuhio watching a movie and Angela's with Ane. Char's with Kawika eating dinner. This is the only time that being single sucks. On nights like these when all my friends are out doing boyfriend-girlfriend type things. Maybe i'll watch a sappy movie and eat a some ice cream or something.

On New Years Eve I went to Char's uncle's house and the best thing about going there (besides pigging out on crab legs) was seeing Char's brother Joe. Yes, of course I wanted to spend time with my friend Char, but you see, Joe is here and I haven't seen him in about two years. Maybe some of you may think its sick to have a crush on your friend's brother but you haven't seen him and if you did you'd know why. Anyhow, two years ago, while he was here (he lives in Cali) on Spring Break, we all went out to this bar called Bedroq. I hadn't seen him since high school and kinda sorta mentioned to Char that damn, you brother's looking good. Cause I mean, he's two years younger and I never really LOOKED at him in that way. And she says that he's had a crush on me since high school. Well, I was shocked to say the least but I was with Rob at the time so that was that.

Anyway, we spoke alot at the party. He seemed happy to see me and I found out later that he had asked Char to invite me. Conversation was real good and I couldn't help myself from staring at his face...he has the most flawless skin! And of course I had a big red shiner smack dab on my forehead. Ugh!!! We were sitting in the uncle's garage eating king crab legs (and you know how hard that is to do without making yourself look like a messy pig) under this horrible florescent light and all I could think of was how horrible my zit must look and how the light must be bringing out the dark circles under my eyes since I hadn't slept good in days. So anyway he's graduated from college now, works as teacher, and is just an all around nice guy. He likes to do outdoorsy things like hike which is a plus cause I like that too. So he's here for Christmas Break and he doesn't leave till the 26th or something and he wants to go out to a movie...well thats what he told Char...maybe he didn't notice the dark circles. So she gave him my digits and the sucker hasn't called me yet...second thought, maybe he did. Ahh...don't I love dating.

After the party, I met up with a guy I used to date 3 years ago during a 6 month split with Rob. We used to work together at a certain hotel in Waikiki and he's THREE years younger than me. God, I know. I really don't know what I was thinking at the time. He's a nice guy and the best thing about him was that we could just hang out and talk and we got along really well. The worst thing about him was that he smoked weed e-ver-y-day. Like, chronically. I mean, I like a hit or two once in a while if Ang happens to have a bowl, but I just couldn't see myself with someone who NEEDS to feel high all the time. No matter how much I liked him all I could think of was what our life would be like if we were committed...visions of sitting on a couch in some apartment filled with surf art and kids running around and Grant passed out with a bowl held hanging out of his hand. Scary thought.

So anyway, I always end up running into to this guy whenever I am getting out of a relationship. I will literally not see him at all for the period of time that I am with someone and then as soon as I break up with that person, out pops Grant. First time I broke with Rob, then the second and last time I broke up with Rob, and now as I have just ended things with Regg. So I ran into him last Saturday, we ended up going out that night and also ended up spending the latter part of New Years Eve together at a party at his friend's house.

He is still the same. He's older and more mature, but he's still chronic. On Saturday when he went out he tried to play it off like he doesn't smoke that much anymore but I know he's lying. All his friends are either users and/or dealers. New Years Eve he was talking about how he would love to spend more time with me, that he's missed me alot, that I should come with him and his friends on a surfing trip to Bali in the summer....well, the trip sounds nice but...he's CHRONIC! He's fuckin chronic and I'm not going to allow myself to get sucked into another relationship affected by drugs. I mean, he's a nice guy and I have lots of good memories with him and I would love to hang out again as friends but I think he wants more. Ahh...don't I love dating.

Rob just called me about 15 minutes ago and he wants to go see Lord of the Rings tomorrow. He's just about moved out of his place and into his new girlfriend's house. The one with three kids. He says he's happy but he doesn't sound like it. I wonder why he doesn't just go and see it with Jenn (thats his girlfriend's name). I don't think she has the same interests as he does now that I think about it...he said when he asked her to come with him to the Alicia Keys concert she didn't really want to go. Oh, yes, thats right, she said she didn't want to see Lord of the Rings either. What kind of person wouldn't want to see Lord of the Rings? Of course, there are three of you out there who are saying, "ME!".

Somtimes I miss him. I miss having someone to talk with, to go to the movies and to museums with, to laugh with, you know, a boyfriend. Someone who's always there. Your beach buddy. Your dance partner whom your not afraid to get completely freaky with. Your pillow at night, your shoulder at the movies, you know, a boyfriend. I miss that sometimes. On nights like this, actually.

Bleh! Excuse me while I go eat some ice cream and watch a sappy movie.