useless

Its Friday night and I'm here at home and it sucks. I've been totally lazy lately with updating...in fact I've just been completely out of it the last few days.

I don't know if its because of the holidays or what but I've been thinking about Regg alot. And I've just been having all these feelings...a mixture of sadness, anger, regret. One moment I'm pissed the next moment I'm sad. Its been like three weeks since I heard from the son of a bitch motherfucker.

And I know that even though I call him that, I still miss him. How sick AM I? Just let it go, dammit. Just let it go.

It wouldn't have been so bad if I never did have all these visions of us in the future...if we never talked about plans...moving in together...getting married one day...Ha! If he didn't tell me all the things he did.

Sometimes I just think about all the things I'll say when I finally do talk to him. Or maybe I never will. Sometimes I just think fuck it...who the hell cares anymore.

I don't know, its so useless already. I don't even know how I feel.